Beginning the Conversation on Eldercare

People are living longer and according to a 2019 article in Forbes magazine, life expectancy for a person 75-years-old today is the same as it was for a 65-year-old in 1950.  To some that may mean 75 is the new 65.  Nevertheless, many younger baby boomers are faced with caring for aging parents.  And sometimes the most difficult part is talking about future care with aging parents who are still healthy and independent.  This article provides tips on how to begin the conversation and get support.

What’s involved?

Caring for your aging parents is something you hope you can handle when the time comes, but something you probably hope you never have to do. It means helping them plan for the future and this can be overwhelming, both physically and emotionally. When the time comes for you to take care of your parents, you may be certain of only two things: Your parents need you, and you will need help.

Start planning by having a conversation about the future

Start caring for your aging parents by talking with them about their needs and wishes if they are able. Some parents will be relieved to know you are thinking about their well-being.  In other cases, they may not be willing discuss their future with you because of underlying fears about losing their independence or because they resent your interference. If you meet with resistance, you may need to move forward with planning as much as you can without them, or if their safety or health is in danger, step in as caregiver anyway.

Prepare a personal data record

The first step you should take is to work together with your parents to prepare a personal data record (if they are unable to help you, you’ll have to search for the information yourself). A personal data record lists all the information that you might need in one central document in the event your parents become incapacitated or die. Be sure to include financial, legal (such as durable power of attorney or health care proxy), medical, and insurance information. Basically, any information regarding professional advisors and the location of important records or documents.

Don’t hesitate to seek out guidance

 You can’t possibly think of everything, and you probably don’t have enough time to find out all you need to know to care for your parents. Speak to professionals who have access to a breadth of information and resources. Some advice will be free and for some you will have to hire a professional for guidance. If your parents live a distance from you or handling your parents’ affairs is overwhelming, you may find it helpful to hire a geriatric care manager. This is usually a social worker or nurse who will assess your parents’ situation, identify potential needs, and coordinate professionals who can help. You will want to select this person carefully.  Caregivers America has a great list of questions to ask a geriatric manager you are planning to hire. Some employers may provide employee assistance programs that offer advice and support when dealing with personal challenges, including caring for aging parents.

The support you need is available

Don’t try to care for your parents alone. There are many local and national caregiver support groups and community services available to help you cope with caring for your aging parents. If you aren’t sure where to start finding help, contact the Eldercare Locator, an information and referral service sponsored by the federal government that can direct you to resources available nationally or in your area.  Call the Eldercare Locator at 800.677.1116.