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The Portfolio Between Us: Investing as a Couple if You Have Different Risk Tolerances

Finding a balance in money matters is important for both financial growth and relationship harmony. Risk tolerance is defined as a person’s comfort level with the possibility of losing money in exchange for potential wealth building.

The Portfolio Between Us: Investing as a Couple if You Have Different Risk Tolerances

By MMBB Financial Planning Specialist Alex Kim, CFP®, MBA, CPA 


Maria trusted spreadsheets; David trusted growth. She saw their savings as a path to stability and the red-door house they dreamed of, while he saw investments as seeds that could grow into a bigger future.

Their differences surfaced one evening at the kitchen table, where Maria laid out their savings goals and David showed how aggressive portfolios could perform over time.

“I’m not saying we gamble,” David said. “I’m saying we’re young enough to let time work for us.” Maria answered, “And I’m saying I want to sleep at night.”

Understanding Risk Tolerance

Finding a balance in money matters is important for both financial growth and relationship harmony. When a couple’s risk tolerance differs, it can create tension. One partner may prioritize wealth building and higher returns while the other may value stability and capital preservation.

Risk tolerance is defined as a person’s comfort level with the possibility of losing money in exchange for potential wealth building. One individual may be willing to accept market swings for the possibility of stronger returns, while the other may prefer a steadier strategy that protects accumulated savings. Studies show that the amount of loss aversion a person possesses plays a significant role in their comfort with risk.

Honest and Open Communication

Many couples may have contrasting money styles; one may be a saver while the other is a spender. The first step in investing as a couple is to discuss individual attitudes about money to determine where each person stands in terms of risk tolerance and their priorities. Ask, “What does financial success look like to you?”

Separate emotions from objectives by focusing on facts instead of fears. Sharing financial information with your partner may increase trust, security and unity.   Based on the knowledge gathered, create a net worth statement, which is a simple financial document that lists everything you own and everything you owe. Subtract your total debt from the total assets as a couple to calculate your overall net worth.  

Common Mistakes to Avoid

Even well-intentioned couples can fall into habits that make investment decisions feel one-sided or stressful. Recognizing these common mistakes can help partners protect both their financial goals and their relationship.

  • Letting the most risk-averse partner control every decision.
  • Allowing one partner’s aggressive approach to drive the investment strategy.
  • Ignoring risk tolerance differences.
  • Failing to revisit plans as circumstances change.

Avoiding these pitfalls gives couples room to make thoughtful choices together, with a plan that respects both security and growth.

Get Expert Help

If couples feel they can’t balance their different investment styles alone, speaking to a financial planner may be the answer. They can give you and your spouse objective guidance and support by facilitating productive discussions.  A financial planner can help build a portfolio that is tailored to shared goals and differing preferences.

In Conclusion

David admitted his excitement may have sounded like pressure, and Maria realized her caution may have sounded like doubt.

Together, they created a solution that balanced safety and growth, turning “my way” and “your way” into “our plan.”

What's the takeaway?

Resources for church finances and administration, clergy compensation & taxes, personal finance and financial wellness.

Translations of any materials into languages other than English are intended solely as a convenience to the non-English-reading public. We have attempted to provide an accurate translation of the original material in English, but due to the nuances in translating to a foreign language, slight differences may exist.

Las traducciones de cualquier material a idiomas que no sean el inglés son para la conveniencia de aquellos que no leen inglés. Hemos intentado proporcionar una traducción precisa del material original en inglés, pero debido a las diferencias de la traducción a un idioma extranjero, pueden existir ligeras diferencias.

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